NEWS

Headlines and crap courtesy of the

Scary Shit News Network

  • Pfizer To launch Covid 19 Fauci Variant , along with the vaccine and 18 boosters before quarter earnings. So roll up your sleeves and bend over.
  • Kimberly-Clark announces new breakthrough in ass-wipes with Povidone Iodine. Pros; bacterial free but-hole, virus free and even smells sanitary. Cons; may stain clothes, destruction of essential bacteria necessary for proper health, and 2$ a roll. They expect to have it in stores before the next variant , and will limit hording.
  • US Army to install breathalyzer interlocks on all military equipment sent to Ukraine starting with the F14’s
  • Ukraine imposes ban on deodorant. and votes the smell of stale booze and garlic as the national stench.
  • Kamala Harris is appointed as ambassador to the Pacific garbage patch. Don’t miss the swearing in, exclusively live on the Muppet’s show Saturday night at 7:00PM
  • Hillary Clinton announced that she in currently undergoing the procedures to transform her into a black person. She says the change will be worth the supreme court appointment and I wont have to kill anyone. The entire procedure is being financed by the DNC, Clinton Foundation, and the CIC (cunts in congress).
  • Congress awarded the $1.2 billion print contract to print and distribute the 2022 absentee and mail in ballots for the 2022 midterm elections with the first batch of 400,000,000 to be shipped in February. ‘Hunter’ the spokesperson for the small printing company, Hill&Billy Printing of Mena, Arkansas, said that was proof that the current administration is the most generous and looking out for the little guy

WONDER WHY?

If you have an answer leave it in comments

1, Why do black people like to wear masks?

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2 comments

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